Posted by: Oliver in: Humour
Supermarkets across Europe are bracing themselves for a run on popcorn stocks, after the Greek referendum delivered a decisive “No” vote.
Despite no-one actually understanding what the referendum is about, least of all the Greeks themselves, the consensus now is that the only thing to do is to sit back and enjoy the show.
“Basically, Greece is the spoilt kid who’s eaten all the cake at the party,” explained financial analyst Tom Logan. “All the other parents have overreacted massively, turned full Wackford Squeers, and are caning the hide off him. Now Greece’s two daddies, Tsipras and Varoufakis, have rolled up their sleeves and waded into a full fist fight with all 19 other parents to stop them. You can’t help but sit back and watch in awe at the complete clusterfuck it’s become.”
Mindfulness expert Sarah Hogue said, “Normally I like sweet popcorn, but it looks like this one’s going to go on for a few months so it could become a bit sickly. I’m thinking maybe that 50/50 stuff you get, although to be honest I can’t get to Tesco until half an hour after opening time, so I’ll probably have whatever’s left on the shelves. Unless it’s that godforsaken toffee crap.”
“The thing is, there can’t be any winners out of this one,” continued Logan. “Tsipras and Varoufakis will inevitably be eaten alive and Greece will spend the next few years eking out a miserable existence in some poverty-ridden orphanage. And on the flipside, the other kids won’t get to eat their cake. You can be pretty sure, though, it’ll be the ones-without-cake that make the biggest fuss about how hard-done by they are.”
Under one of the three thousand mostly contradictory terms of EU farming subsidies, shops are warning they’ll have to impose a 60g per day limit on popcorn purchases in order to keep stocks stable.